A MOTHER'S "TAKE" ON BEING A "TRUE MAN"

Some of the best advise for becoming a really. good man may have come from a woman. Andrew Jackson described his mother, Elizabeth Hudson Jackson (1740-1781), as being “as gentle as a dove and as brave as a lioness.” Her last words to him when she died at age 41 were as follows:

"Andrew, if I should not see you again, I wish you to remember and treasure up some things I have already said to you: in this world you will have to make your own way. To do that you must have friends. You can make friends by being honest, and you can keep them by being steadfast. You must keep in mind that friends worth having will in the long run expect as much from you as they give to you. To forget an obligation or be ungrateful for a kindness is a base crime–not merely a fault or a sin, but an actual crime. Men guilty of it sooner or later must suffer the penalty. In personal conduct be always polite but never obsequious. None will respect you more than you respect yourself. Avoid quarrels as long as you can without yielding to imposition. But sustain your manhood always. Never bring a suit in law for assault and battery or for defamation. The law affords no remedy for such outrages that can satisfy the feelings of a true man. Never wound the feelings of others. Never brook wanton outrage upon your own feelings. If you ever have to vindicate your feelings or defend your honor, do it calmly. If angry at first, wait till your wrath cools before you proceed."

Let’s break this down. Here's what Mrs. Jackson believed constitutes the character of a “true man.”

A "TRUE MAN" IS A COLLECTOR OF FRIENDS AND A CULTIVATOR OF FRIENDSHIPS— “In this world you will have to make your own way. To do that you must have friends. You can make friends by being honest, and you can keep them by being steadfast. You must keep in mind that friends worth having will in the long run expect as much from you as they give to you.”

A "true man" is wise in the way he collects friends and cultivates his friendships. He practices discernment and discretion in this, knowing that, as Abraham Lincoln said, “The better part of one’s life consists of his friendships.”

A "TRUE MAN" IS CONSIDERATE— To forget an obligation or be ungrateful for a kindness is a base crime–not merely a fault or a sin, but an actual crime. Men guilty of it sooner or later must suffer the penalty.

A "true man" develops the "gratitude attitude" early in life. He expresses his gratitude for large and small favors in ways that are meaningful and memorable to those on the receiving end of it. Like Mrs; Jackson, who classified ingratitude as "criminal" he has strong feelings about, and is repulsed by, an unthankful spirit in others or in himself.

A "TRUE MAN" IS CAREFUL ABOUT HIS CONDUCT— “In personal conduct be always polite but never obsequious. None will respect you more than you respect yourself.”

A "true man" knows that a man never gets a second chance to make a good first impression. He "carries" himself well regardless of the company or circumstances he finds himself in. He doesn't gush over people or grovel before them. He silently and otherwise communicates the respect that he has for himself, and the respect that he expects from others.

A "TRUE MAN" IS IN CONTROL— “Avoid quarrels as long as you can without yielding to imposition.”

A "true man" exercises self control, and knows that this begins with his ability to control his own tongue (James 3:1-10). He isn't easily provoked by situations or by people (1 Cor. 13:5), and subscribes to the Romans 12:18 policy of: “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” He knows when such possibilities exists and when they don't and responds accordingly.

A "TRUE MAN" IS COURAGEOUS—“But sustain your manhood always. Never bring a suit in law for assault and battery or for defamation. The law affords no remedy for such outrages that can satisfy the feelings of a true man.”

A "true man" deals with offenses and outrages personally rather than in indirect, roundabout, and passive-aggressive ways. He doesn't expect, ask or allow others to arbitrate or intercede for him. He follows the counsel found in Matt. 18:15: relative to the handling of personal offenses: ““Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother” (Matt. 18:15).

A "TRUE MAN" IS COMPASSIONATE—“Never wound the feelings of others. Never brook wanton outrage upon your own feelings.”

A "true man" is secure enough to feel and show compassion for others, He is simultaneously tough and tender . He doesn't follow the dictum of pagan Philistines which says, “Be strong and quit yourselves like men, O ye Philistines ... quit yourselves like men, and fight” (1 Sam. 4:9). Instead, he follows the dictum of the Christian man which says, “Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong. Let all your things be done with charity" (1 Cor. 16:13, 14).

A "TRUE MAN" IS CALM, COOL AND COMPOSED— “Never brook wanton outrage upon your own feelings. If you ever have to vindicate your feelings or defend your honor, do it calmly. If angry at first, wait till your wrath cools before you proceed. “

A "true man" is calm, cool and collected. He is “comfortable in his own skin.” He is secure; the kind of man who can “be angry, and sin not” (Eph. 4:26).He doesn't let himself get “under the circumstances;” He gets on top, and stays on top, of circumstances..

IN CONCLUSION: The above constitutes just parts of the profile of a "true man." These are traits that mothers should look for in their sons, that women should look for in men and that men should look for in their friends and in themselves. Any reader of the biographies of great men will notice that they all share the traits of character that Andrew Jackson's mother recommended to him.